December 14, 2003

Ladies and Gentleman, America's Team

It's about stinking time that my Cowboys started playing like America's team again. They picked up win number nine today at the expense of the Washington Indigenous Persons (see TMQ for explanations). Terence Newman had three interceptions and they blanked them 27-0. Without Patrick Ramsey, the Persons were forced to start Tim Hasselbeck. The cowboys said to him, "Hello Mr. Hasselbeck. We don't care if your wife was on Survivor, we will still hold you to a passer rating of 0.0. Tim, you have been voted off the island." Well, they must have said something like that in order to beat him like a red haired stepchild.

At this rate, my 'Boys may even make the playoffs. Hard to believe I know. Frankly, nine wins is a monstrous accomplishment in the first year of the Parcells era. Imagine how many games they would win with an actual quarterback on the roster. I do remember the good old days when everyone else was in the rear view mirror. Just for you Jimmy, I remember watching former Steeler Neil O'Donnell spend the entire second half of the Super Bowl like he was a double agent working for the Cowboys. Either that, or he briefly forgot which team he wanted to win. It was great either way. That was the last time America's Team won the big game. It was all downhill from there. Michael Irvin nearly gets paralyzed while the Philadelphia crowd cheers him and his abnormally narrow spinal column. Emmitt starts to wish they had given him a bit more rest at the end of blowouts. Aikman and his soggy noggin' head off to Fox. Hopefully, they're on the way back up. I doubt they'll be able to cobble together an offense like they had back then, but it seems defense is the hot card to play these days, and they're doing all right there.

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